


Feels Like Home

by Jencala



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Confessions, First Kiss, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-04 22:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18821938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jencala/pseuds/Jencala
Summary: “Yeah, so, for a while now, well, there’s someone I’ve been interested in.”He could feel Remus stiffen beside him and Sirius’ heart thudded against his rib cage.  “Th-there’s...someone?” Remus hesitated. “Are you, is this...there’s someone special you mean?”Sirius nodded. “He’s really special. He’s, well he’s everything really.”“And you didn’t want to tell us about him?” Remus’ voice was quiet.“I was scared, still am really.”





	Feels Like Home

**Author's Note:**

> This started as an innocent Tumblr prompt from Onlykatelyn asking for a first kiss or "feels like home" and what was supposed to be a short little drabble turned into this. I got a bit carried away and combined the two. I hope you enjoy it!

 

The weather in Scotland was usually warm this time of year, but Sirius swore this June was one for the record books.   It wasn’t even technically summer yet and the heat was sweltering, no amount of cooling charms were working properly in the usually drafty old castle.  He hated to think anything positive about returning to Grimmauld Place the following week, but at least one good thing could be said for his ancestral home; a permanent chill permeated every nook and cranny of the austere house, no doubt thanks to his frigid mother. He shivered at the thought of going back to his family despite the sweat running down his back.  

He looked up from his spot laying on the sofa by the open window in the common room, eyeing his mates in similar reclined poses around him.  Peter was sprawled on the love seat next to him, twirling his wand idly, trying to cast more cooling charms since the breeze through the open window wasn’t helping at all.  James was laying on the sofa opposite, alternating between fanning himself with a Quidditch magazine and trying to listen to Lily’s conversation with Marlene nearby.

His eyes fell on Remus as they usually did and he couldn’t help the small smile or the butterflies in his stomach.  Remus turned another page of the book he was reading on the other end of the sofa where Sirius lay, looking composed and relaxed despite the way the heat of the afternoon made his white uniform shirt cling to his skin.  Sirius watched completely mesmerized as a trickle of sweat ran down the side of Remus’ neck following the long, pale column of his throat and disappeared past the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. He wanted to follow the path with his tongue, savor the salt and the taste of honey he just knew Remus’ skin would taste of.  

He swallowed hard at the thought of exploring the creamy skin with his mouth and hands and all at once his trousers felt too tight.  He sat up suddenly, accidentally knocking Remus’ thighs with his feet in his hurry to snap out of the damning thoughts. “That’s it, I can’t take this anymore,” he announced, not entirely sure if he meant the oppressive heat or his constant illicit thoughts of his best mate.  “I’m heading to the lake to see if there’s more of a breeze down there. You lot coming?”

James shook his head lazily. “I’m too hot and tired to move, Pads. You go ahead.”  

“You just don’t want to miss a glimpse of Lily, Prongs, don’t lie.”  Remus teased, setting his book down.

“Shut it, Moony.” James threw a cushion which Remus easily caught and threw back, hitting James squarely on the head.

“I’m with Prongs.” Peter said, trying once again to cast another charm.”I know I can get a better cooling spell to stick eventually.”

Remus shrugged and stood up. “It can’t be any worse out by the lake than it is here.  I’ll go with you Pads, you might be right for once and if not I can always jump in the lake to cool off.”

Sirius gulped, trying desperately to not think of Moony disrobing and swimming in the lake,  tawny curls wet and pushed back from his angular face, the water cascading down the planes of his lean torso.  “Y-yeah, sure Moons, let’s go.”

Remus looked at him curiously, but followed Sirius out the portrait hole after waving goodbye to their friends.  They walked through the castle mostly in silence, occasionally greeting other students or trading quick remarks about acquaintances they passed.  Once outside, Sirius felt himself relax a bit, the vast open grounds allowing him to breathe somewhat better and not fixate on his proximity to Remus.

He couldn’t pinpoint when his feelings for Moony had started to change into more, but he was self-aware enough to know his friendship with Remus had always been different than with the other Marauders.  James was his brother in everything but blood, Peter he knew he could rely on for anything and his gentle teasing was sometimes the only thing that would bring Sirius out of his dark moods, but  _ Remus _ ... he’d always felt closest to Remus.  He’d felt an instant connection to the other boy and before he’d known the numerous scars were from his monthly transformations, he’d thought they shared the same types of abuse at home.  He’d been relieved to know Remus didn’t suffer the same horrors, though devastated at what his friend went through every full moon, but the connection remained and had only strengthened over the years.

Sirius felt a constant pull towards Remus, always seeking him out for a laugh or for comfort, and while he did the same with the others it wasn’t the same as he was with Remus.  He’d only come to realize how tactile they were with each other when he’d come to grips with the fact he had a crush on his friend. It was nothing to him to plop himself down on Remus’ lap, pouting to get his attention.  He’d sprawl across the common room sofa, his head on Remus’ lap and those long fingers winding through his hair as they talked with their friends. They’d sit close together at meal times, handing each other what they needed or wanted without ever having to ask each other what that was first.  He was the one who sat with Remus in the hospital wing after the full, either by his side in the bed reading to him until Pomfrey deemed him recovered enough to leave, or in a chair by his side holding his hand or brushing the hair off his forehead as he slept. 

The strange thing was that none of their friends batted an eye or thought it out of the ordinary.  Remus would crawl into Sirius’ bed in the middle of the night, awakened by Sirius’ frequent nightmares, and neither Peter nor James thought it strange to wake and see the two boys curled into each other for comfort. He supposed they’d always been this way, but now that he knew the depths of his own feelings he had started to wonder if Remus could feel the same.

They’d reached the edge of the lake and walked towards one of the large trees shading the shore, its’ leaves swaying gently in the warm wind.  Remus sank down onto the grass beneath the large elm, crossing his legs and leaning back on his hands to tilt his face up towards the sun. His eyes were closed and Sirius couldn’t help but admire his profile.  The sunlight filtering through the branches overhead created a halo around his honeyed curls, highlighting the freckles over his nose. Sirius couldn’t help thinking his feelings towards Remus had turned him into a sap.  He shouldn’t be noticing how Remus’ long lashes were several shades darker than his tawny hair or how the thin scar below his lower lip rose and fell just shy of the dimple in his right cheek; except he was. He noticed every minute detail about Remus and it was driving him mental.

“I hate to admit you were right, Pads. Even with the sun so bright, it’s a lot cooler out here.”  Remus opened one eye and looked up at Sirius who still stood a few feet away. “What are you still doing over there? You know I don’t bite.  Well, unless you want me to, that is.”

Remus’ teasing jolted Sirius out of his reverie and he could feel his cheeks flush with the innuendo as he scrambled to sit down next to Remus. “I was just enjoying the breeze, you git.” He lied, stretching his legs out before him.  

“Sure you were.”  Remus closed his eyes again and lay back flat against the soft grass, his hands behind his head. “What’s with you lately anyway?  You’re always so jumpy or staring off into space.”

Sirius plucked a blade of grass and shrugged, fingers absently shredding it, gazing resolutely over the lake to avoid looking at Remus. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Moons.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Sirius scoffed, quickly covering it with a cough. “Yeah, I know.”

He felt Remus sit up next to him, but refused to turn his way. “Are you worried about going home next week?”

“Home?” Sirius shook his head. “Grimmauld isn’t home, it’s just a house full of people I hate that hate me.  But no, it’s not that.”

Remus’ hand gripped his shoulder. “Pads, you know you’ve got us and we’ll help any way we can.  But if you don’t tell me what’s going on I can’t help.”

He knew his friend was right; the Marauders were always there for each other.  He could usually talk to Remus about anything, but could he confess this? He didn’t think Remus would shun him if he didn’t feel the same, he didn’t truly think it could break their friendship even if Remus wasn’t interested.  He was terrified to see even a momentary look of disgust in those moss-green eyes, but he couldn’t quiet the voice in his head telling him to take the risk. 

“I don’t know if you can help, Moony.” He answered honestly.

Remus’ grip tightened on his shoulder, the touch searing through the thin cotton of Sirius’ damp shirt. “Try me.”

“Yeah… okay.”  Sirius plucked another blade of grass and tore at it nervously.  He summoned all his Gryffindor courage and took a deep breath. “You know how I’m gay, right?”

“I seem to vaguely recall you coming out to us in third year and seeing Gideon Prewett’s tongue down your throat that one time so yeah.”

Sirius turned and glared at Remus. “I’m trying to be serious here.”

Remus smirked and quirked a brow.

“No name jokes, Moons.” Sirius groaned.

Remus held his hands up. “Sorry, sorry.  Please continue.”

Sirius shook his head and turned back to the dark water, finding it easier to talk if he didn’t have to look at the object of his affection. “Yeah, so, for a while now, well, there’s someone I’ve been interested in.”

He could feel Remus stiffen beside him and Sirius’ heart thudded against his rib cage.  “Th-there’s...someone?” Remus hesitated. “Are you, is this...there’s someone special you mean?”

Sirius nodded. “He’s really special. He’s, well he’s everything really.”

“And you didn’t want to tell us about him?” Remus’ voice was quiet.

“I was scared, still am really.”

Remus was silent for a few moments before he spoke, his voice a bit rough. “Pads, if there’s someone you really care about...whoever it is, we’ll do our best to accept him.  If your boyfriend makes you happy then—”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Sirius interrupted. “He doesn’t even know how I feel about him.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ve been afraid to tell him.  He probably doesn’t feel the same way and I couldn’t stand to see him look at me differently or hate me for it.” Sirius admitted.

Remus grabbed his arm and turned Sirius to face him.  The fierce look in his eyes took Sirius’ breath away. “Pads, if he’s too stupid to realize how amazing you are then he doesn’t deserve you.  Any bloke would be lucky to have you and I’ll kick his arse myself if he hurts you! You need to talk to him if you feel so strongly about him.”

Sirius smiled softly and bit his lip, his eyes raking over Remus’ face, so adamant in his support. “That’s what I’m trying to do right now.”

He watched the confusion play across Remus’ features, his brow furrowed as he tried to understand.  He swallowed hard as he saw the realization dawn in his eyes and it took every ounce of courage and willpower he possessed to not look away.  

“Me?” Remus’ eyes widened and his hand dropped from Sirius’ arm. “You can’t, you can’t mean me?”

The knot in his stomach tightened and he sucked in a harsh breath. “I do though. I’m sorry, Remus, I didn’t want to say anything, I don’t want you to hate me—”

“ _ Hate _ you?” Remus shook his head and smacked Sirius’ arm. “You bloody idiot!”

“Ow!” Sirius rubbed his arm and looked away, his heart shattering. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry, I’ll go and give you time to deal with it and I promise I won’t—”

His next words were lost against Remus’ lips as they pressed against his own. 

Sirius didn’t respond at first, completely shocked, but when he felt Remus start to pull away he responded automatically, his arms wrapping around the thin shoulders to pull him closer.  Remus’ lips were chapped but warm and Sirius swore his heart was about to pound out of his chest as those long fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. 

He deepened the kiss, unable to hold back a quiet moan as Remus’ tongue stroked his, his hands splayed against Remus’ back urging him ever closer.  His mind reeled at the fact it was  _ Remus  _ he was kissing, it was  _ Remus  _ who seemed as eager as he was,  _ Remus  _ who was exploring his mouth as if it held the secrets to the universe and cradled his face as if he was something precious.

Sirius had no idea how long it was before oxygen became a necessity, it could have been minutes or hours, but all he knew as he pulled back reluctantly from Remus’ mouth was that he needed more.  He pressed a kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth, his lips wandering down the stubbled jaw to the taut cordon of his throat, barely aware he was whispering Remus’ name over and over again into the soft skin. 

He felt Remus shudder against him, his hands digging into Sirius’ shoulders as he savored the taste he’d only dreamed of before. “Caramel.” He chuckled softly causing Remus to pull back to look into his eyes.

“What?” Remus rasped.

Sirius pressed another kiss to Remus’ collarbone, licking a path back up his throat before looking into the now amber eyes.  “Caramel, you taste like caramel.” His tone reverent. “I always thought it would be honey.”

Remus sucked in a breath. “You thought... _fuck_ , Sirius.  You can’t say that.” 

Before Sirius could ask why Remus’ mouth covered his once more and they were both lost in each other again.  When they parted once more, both seemed reluctant to let the other go, foreheads resting together, hands clasped between their chests. 

“I had no idea, Pads. I hoped. Merlin did I hope, but I didn’t think you could ever really…” Remus trailed off.

Sirius raised his head to meet Remus’ eyes once more. “It’s been you for so long. I didn’t think you could ever feel the same.”

Remus smiled softly, brushing Sirius’ hair from his face. “It’s always been you, Sirius.”

They just stared into each other’s eyes for a brief moment before their lips met again in a gentle kiss.  

‘Home,’ Sirius thought as his soft sigh was swallowed by Remus. He didn’t have to worry about returning to his parents the following week; he realized he’d already found his true home in Remus. The brief thought that he really was turning into one hell of a sap was forgotten as he lost himself in Remus’ kiss. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are love. :-)
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at JenCala.


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